Probably Offensive

as my eyes drunkenly opened i realized i was on the couch, clothes on, and exactly as i left for the bar last night so i was ok on many points.

1: i didnt get naked

2: i didnt vomit all over myself

3: i didnt fuck some fat bitch

4: i had made it home in one piece

as i was brushing my teeth i realized i had some crusty shit in my beard. not good. there is no worse feeling than when you wake up with crusty chunks in your beard not knowing where they came from. i freaked out and hopped in the shower immediately. maybe i should have tasted it before showering, but that comes later. after showering and calming down about chunks on my face i did a little detective work. checked the couch, no vomit. living room, no vomit.the toilets, no vomit. the kitchen, again no vomit. the kitchen is when i realized what happened though. i found a glorious bag from whataburger that still smelled like those delicious honey butter chicken biscuits they have. i can only hope the shit on my face was that glazey goodness. so i went to whataburger and got another one because smelling the bag made me crave another.

the end