I got me a new pooch recently. By pooch I’m not talking about a porch over my belt buckle (beer belly) but really a dog. I don’t know what the hell she is, maybe a catahoula or some shit. She looks like a cross between a greyhound and a lab, with brindle coloring. She’s got a white sock and spot on her chest though. Her name is Pretty, and she kind of reminds me of a hyena from some angles. I got her a pink bandana with skulls on it yesterday, and she likes trying to eat the fucker off. I put peanut butter on my balls, and she licks it off. Nah just kidding, she doesn’t even need peanut butter, she loves my balls that much.

Oh yeah, moved into a duplex since the last post also. Fuck internet journals I say. I’m only writing this one because my silly friend lost her keys somewhere in my house and we are getting kind of bored. She already did my hair up all dorky style, and I’m all tired out so no physical activities are in order.

as my eyes drunkenly opened i realized i was on the couch, clothes on, and exactly as i left for the bar last night so i was ok on many points.

1: i didnt get naked

2: i didnt vomit all over myself

3: i didnt fuck some fat bitch

4: i had made it home in one piece

as i was brushing my teeth i realized i had some crusty shit in my beard. not good. there is no worse feeling than when you wake up with crusty chunks in your beard not knowing where they came from. i freaked out and hopped in the shower immediately. maybe i should have tasted it before showering, but that comes later. after showering and calming down about chunks on my face i did a little detective work. checked the couch, no vomit. living room, no vomit.the toilets, no vomit. the kitchen, again no vomit. the kitchen is when i realized what happened though. i found a glorious bag from whataburger that still smelled like those delicious honey butter chicken biscuits they have. i can only hope the shit on my face was that glazey goodness. so i went to whataburger and got another one because smelling the bag made me crave another.

the end

i hate how your boogers smell like booze after long nights of drinking.

why does allergy medicine have to make you sleepy? im not allergic to anything but its supposed to make ant bites itch less, which is false. although maybe its for people who dont have 100+ bites from having a drunk run in with an ant pile they cant remember.